Immortality hurts
by NUMA-WAFFLE
Summary: Hidan is Immortal we all know this... but even immortals feel emotional pain... this humor based story tells us more about Hidan,an old friend and a dark power in his old village of... read to find out. Just ignore this story until I fix the final chap
1. Chapter 1 The Mistake

My first Hidan story, short first chapter , but later will have longer chapters, maybe a whole page :-) . This is more of a warm up, lets you know abit more about the immortal killer we know, all love and all wish was freed from his rocky prison.

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Chapter 1: The Mistake. 

While walking in a forest Hidan and Kakuzu were attacked by Sound nin. Hidan and Kakuzu had agreed on a battle plan, I get this one and you get the next, this time was Hidan's, much to Kakuzu's dislike. The immortal killer looked at the 50 Sound nin and thought: Jashin I offer these filthy mortals to you.

After 45 were killed Hidan decided to use the circle of voodoo pain.

DRAWS CIRCLE AND STAB.

Nothing happened.

Stabs himself 22 more times, suddenly Hidan starts to feel weak.

"What's happening, I am immortal."

TOBI appears from a small butterfly, "Hidan do you want these beads back?"

"What you took some beads, you will pay!"

Hidan falls to the ground with blood all around him.

A bright light… could this be heaven, could Jashin have left me, could I not have killed enough innocents?

"Hidan shut up!"

'Zetsu what are you doing in heaven?"

"This isn't heaven, it's your room, Tobi took some of your beads and you stabbed your heart 23 times, so you nearly died, I got you back to base and saved your life."

"**TTTTTTOOOOOBBBBBIIIIII!!!!** I must kill Tobi!"

"Shhhh you will make him cry; Tobi's very sensitive."

Hidan cuts his own head off

2 minutes later, after Hidan had been brought back to life again.

"Hidan why did you do that?"

"Put the beads back on, I like not dying when I do that."

"Hidan have you tried not killing yourself when you fight?"

"NOPE" (Gives an innocent child like smile)

Zetsu (Sigh) I am going to have to put a seal on you that prevents you from killing yourself.

"You can't do that, I'm telling leader!"(Runs away, crying like a scared Tobi)

"Why are they all like little babies, and why am I the mother figure in this "FAMILY."

* * *

"Hidan I need you to go and find the other jinchūriki, the nine-tails will have to wait." said the shadowed leader Pein 

"Fine where is it, and-wait, Kakuzu is off with Kisame and Itachi, am I doing this alone?" said the Jashin worshiper with a glint of joy in his eyes.

"Yes your doing it alone, the reason for that is because it's in your home town of-" "LEADER-SAN CAN TOBI GET A COOKIE!!!?!??!?!?"

"Tobi go away, (mutters something about hating Zetsu for letting him join) I'm very busy! Well Hidan you know where it is now, so go."

"1-2-3-10-na-ha-na-yes all my beads, stupid Tobi, Im' ready."

And thus the immortal killer sets out on his quest for the jinchuriki.

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Please review, and if you want give ideas for the next chapter... it already has an old childhood friend of hidan... 


	2. Chapter 2 An Old Friend

Chapter 2 Old Friends

Hidan set off on his quest to his birth town of- lets see what's happening with Kakuzu and his mission.

"Why did The Leader want us to get this "GUY" guy anyway, he seems too good, The Akatsuki must have evil people in it."

"In Konoha he is a very powerful taijutsu master," said the swordsman Kisame.

"Itachi I think that you should wait outside."

"I sense that my FOOLISH **HATE-LACKING** LITTLE BROTHER is nearby."

"Does he always do that?"

"Every time, it's so strange."

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Back with Hidan and his mission. 

"This place brings back memories," (rubs a rock), " this is where I first offered someone to Jashin."

Then in a sweet angelic female voice "Hidan is that you?"

After all these years can she still remember me? (Starts storing CHAKRA in his fingertips) I am invisible hmmmmmmmmmmm… The Jashin followers' train of thought in interrupted by the angelic voice.

"Hidan what are you doing silly?"

Zetsu I will kill you, your invisibility thing does not work on me.

"Are you going to stand there all day or say hi to your friend?"

"Oh hi R-" Back to Kakuzu…

* * *

"Kakashi I can see you under that ugly mask, and you too Naruto in that funny fish costume. Is this how you intend to beat me, forced to use tricks, is our rivalry that competitive, well I would also, because I am that good, and I have the FIRE OF YOUTH and -." 

"Haha you're a funny fish… WAIT I'm NOT UGLY!"

"-Where is Sasuke, your prized pupil?"

"FOOLISH LITTLE BROTHER!"

"Kakashi look it's Itachi Uchiha, lets put our rivalry on hold and stop him! HHHHHOOOOOO (Insert GUY face with flaming eyes here.) Wait that's Sasuke, you nearly fooled me."

"Does he ever shut up?"

Back to Hidan…

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"Oh hi Rin, what are you doing here?' 

"Well as you might remember I was in charge of finding the Sacrificial murderer, which stopped after you left, people thought that it was you, isn't that funny? Well I never returned to Konoha, I love this village too much, and I knew that you would return soon."

"Y- yo -you you waited all this time, for me? Why?"

"Well you saved my life, I want to be able to save yours."

"I've changed since the last time we met, I need you to stay away, please."

"I see that, your part of Akatsuki now. Well this good bye then my love…"

Now back to Kakuzu.

* * *

"Even gagged he still talks, why do we need him?" 

"He not even a Junchuriki."

"Silence fools, I command you!"  
"SHUT UP ITACHI! Stop trying to be all dark and cool."

Later

"Why do we need him Leader?"

"Sakura I can see that's you, your pink hair is easy to spot even in the shadows."

"Did he just say I have pink hair?"

"Leader why do we need him?"

"You needed the exercise."

Kakuzu: "In the words of the not-so-wise Hidan I KILL YOU! –Wait where is Hidan?"

"He's getting a Junchuriki in his home town, and needs to do it alone. He needs to find something out about an old friend."

End of chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3 The secret

To all my fellow writers, have you ever had writers-block for 6 months, I thought of this story in June or July of 2007. This is the end of the story, please review it.

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Chapter 3

The secret.

"Well this good bye then my love…"

"What did you say?"

"I'm saying good bye."

"Yes explain that part and the part after that, with the "my love."

"I love you, but I must kill you now, for you are on my hit list, Akatsuki."

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you kill me, I will regret killing you."

Hidan and Rin say at the same time; I will offer your body to Jashin.

* * *

Tobi time. 

"Zetsu-san why does Hidan hate me so much?"

"You are full of energy, love, joy, happiness, caring and a desire for fun, he hates that."

"I also have joyness and loveness."

"Tobi those are not real words."

"Tobi want hug."

"Bye." Phases into the wall.

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Hidan and Rin. 

"What you also worship Jashin, how long?"

"The day you left, I was so sad. I wanted anything to bring you back, and while I was looking in your room I found the book…And Jashin told me that you would come back one day, so I waited."

"Who was your first acceptance sacrifice?"

"Kazema Irokam, he was such a fool."

"I was going to kill him, but I went for his brother instead."

"Were you the one who killed half the village in the meadow?"

"Yes, that brings back so many memories, their screams filling the night sky, their pleading as I swung my scythe."

"Well I can't kill you and you can't kill me, Jashin made us both immortal."

"Wrong I can kill you, my heart has been filled with so much evil and Jashinlyness, that I can kill anything as long as I offer it to Jashin."

"But you won't, I'm your friend."

"I can here to find the Jinchuriki and take it away. Do you know where it is?"

"Is that why you came, well I guess we will have to fight."

* * *

Kisame, Kakuzu and Pein (Leader) 

"Leader we really want to kill him, and he called you a little girl, can we kill him please?"

"Is that all you ever think about Kisame?"

"No, sometimes I think of ripping off peoples limbs."

"I'm really good at picking members of an evil organization."

* * *

Back to the Jashin worshipers. 

"She is my little sister, and I will use all the power Jashin gave me to protect her."

"What Isume is the Jinchuriki?"

"No my other sister, the four year old Hanabi."

"That makes things easier, and why did you give her that name, it's from the Hyuuga family."

"I don't really know why she's called that, but I will protect her."

"Your family does not talk much do they?"

"I don't care I will fight."

And an epic battle of immortal warriors broke out, then an unbelievable evil cloud descended onto the village, the malevolence entity known as Jashin.

"I CAMMOND YOU TO STOP!"

"Lord Jashin-Sama is that really you? Why do you want us to stop."

"YOU DID NOT DO THE RITUAL BEFORE YOU STARTED; NOW YOU MUST BE PUNISHED! RIN YOU HAVE NOT SACRIFICED AND YOUR NOT EVEN A WORSHIPER, YOU'RE A FAKE, AND YOUR NAME IS NOT EVEN RIN, YOU WILL NOW DIE!"

(Censored)

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Later. 

"Now that I have the Jinchuriki I can go home."

I can't believe I saw Jashin-Sama. If I was trapped in a small whole tomorrow I would be so annoyed but when I die I would know that Jashin-Sama has a place for me."

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Later(er) 

"Kakuzu, Hidan you must now go to Konoha for a recon mission."

"Fine and what if we meet the Jinchuriki?"  
"Bring him here, so that my master plan will be complete. If you fail, you will be no longer a member, so don't come back…if you fail that is."

The end.

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This may not be the best ending chapter, but I got sick of the many ideas I had for it, and went for the "Heads or Tails" and this is the one that won.

Review it please.


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